Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
