direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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