This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
