My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize