Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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