my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
