he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
