someone threw a dead crab at me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
