I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
