this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
