so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize