the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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