I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
