Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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