Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sext me about skeletons
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
