He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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