Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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