How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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