my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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