I'm really into asian looking animals
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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