tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
