Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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