Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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