So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
