Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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