the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
