I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
