there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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