i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need water and some morals
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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