I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
