just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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