The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
