pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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