my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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