george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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