why didn't you poke me back
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
