either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
