I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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