i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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