i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My life is pants optional.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
