I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you never un-have a 4some
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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