This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
