Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
