So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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