I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
