I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
