Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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