What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
