yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
