I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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