she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize