capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
