shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
