I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?