I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.