I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.