So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.