Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.

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(517): View more from Michigan

My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?

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(740): View more from Ohio

Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

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(408): View more from California

im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(815): View more from Illinois

I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance

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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.

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(214): View more from Texas

Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.

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