Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
