I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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