The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
