Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's like heaven, but drunker
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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